Wandering

I can’t get over this song.

Growing up isn’t easy. We all know the usual things like paying bills and learning to take responsibility. I think we all have a lot more in common than that though. Some soul issues.

So, let’s start again. Growing up isn’t easy. No one told us that one day we’d find out our parents aren’t just who/what we thought they were. Dreaming big isn’t as simple as it used to be. We now have to figure logic into the desires of our hearts. Or the desires of our hearts into logic…who really knows? Does anyone know? When all of our dreams and expectations of the future were forming in our heads, being a grown up was not what it has come to be.

I guess I’m wondering how this fits in with anything I’m trying to write. The truth is, I don’t understand it completely. I don’t think any of us do. That’s kind of the point. Being a grown up feels like wandering. Until we find a place to stop and stay for a while. Then we wander again. If you were to ask people if they felt they had it all together, I would be surprised if many said yes, and of the ones who did, I’d be surprised if any of them could have an honest introspective or philosophical conversation with you.

Sometimes I think I’ve had this amazing revelation that is going to set everything right. Like next time God reveals something to me will be the last of my wandering. But my extensive experience in failing seems to prove otherwise. So, I’m just kind of at this point like, okay, enough with all this surface-y crap, I want to be real all the time.

So, no, I don’t want to talk about how busy life is. I don’t want to talk about the weather, or a circumstance, or a story you heard about this kid from this guy one time. I just want to see how you are doing. Are you tired? Why? Are you sad? Bored? Angry? Delighted? Excited? Why? Do you feel hopeful that things will change? Do you want them to stay the same? Where does your hope come from?

Here’s the huge thing that I think no body wants to say, and I think that’s because we are all afraid that it’s true: Being real, being an adult, having a meaningful relationship with God, isn’t just going to happen. You’re not just going to work really hard for a week or a month or a year or a few years and then have everything be great. In fact, every day brings struggles and delights. Though sometimes it’s hard to see one or the other. So every day is going to require some sort of conscious decision to do the right thing and to focus on truth.

When we are growing up I think a lot of us view our selves going to college, getting a job, and having a family. Or some variation of that. No matter what our ideas of the future look like, at some point we probably have all just pictured it falling into place. And it’s a real punch to the gut when we find out that isn’t how the world works.

And our relationships with God aren’t any different. They will not just miraculously fall into place. We will never be perfectly aligned on the straight and narrow. Just as the lyrics in this song say “again,” it will take pursuit, every day, over and over, to live a life fulfilled by God. He is the only one Who can make being an adult any simpler. I think He is worth the struggle to give up things that in our souls, aren’t what we really want anyways.

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